Are You Addicted to Busyness?

Our culture glorifies being busy—but what’s really driving the addiction to overwork? Discover the hidden emotional drivers behind busyness and how to shift from autopilot.

Have you noticed that the de facto response when you ask most people how they are doing is one of the following?

• “Busy!”

• “So Busy!”

• “Tired!” or “Exhausted!” (which is mostly the effect of being so busy)

I hear these words often each day as I meet with leaders and teams at companies of all stages and sizes. Part of the reason for this is that our culture has become addicted to busyness. In fact, we wear our busyness like a badge of honor. This is particularly true in the entrepreneurial ecosystem where #hustleculture has long reigned supreme. I fell into this trap myself in my company-building days of the early aughts.

At this point, the dialogue around busyness isn't novel. The question that begs attention is why, despite awareness, are we more rushed and overwhelmed than ever. The answer lies in our approach. We've been skimming the surface with productivity hacks and tools aimed at optimizing our time, yet we shy away from introspecting the inner workings of our busyness addiction.

Let’s use the executives and entrepreneurs we work with at FounderForward as examples. Most have stated goals of wanting to be more productive. This is both to get more done, but also to have more time for themselves and for their loved ones. At the start of coaching, they are eager to dive right into the latest and greatest in productivity tips, tools, and technologies. But before diving into any of it, I ask clients to “tell me about your relationship with busyness.” This is usually something they have never been asked, and 9 times out of 10, it is something they have never reflected upon.

"Until you make the unconscious conscious, it will direct your life and you will call it fate." – C.G. Jung

In my journey alongside hundreds of leaders, I've observed that compulsive busyness and overworking often stem from four main drivers. It's fascinating to see that while some individuals resonate with just one or two, many, including myself, find that all four dynamics play a role in their lives. I invite you to reflect on these drivers as you read through them, considering how they might mirror your own experiences.

Busyness as a quest for love and worth. Many executives and entrepreneurs are wired for high achievement from a young age. We learned early on that academic success or prowess in sports could earn us the attention and affection of our parents and peers. We experienced love as transactional, not unconditional and we grew up to be achievement and/or perfection chasers addicted to external validation. While our ability to “do” may indeed be impressive, we often underestimate or ignore the toll it takes on our well-being and the quality of our personal and professional relationships.

Busyness born out of crisis. Crises have a way of mobilizing us into action, adopting an "all-hands-on-deck" mentality to navigate through turmoil. The rapid pace and high stakes can be exhilarating, tapping into our body's reserves of cortisol and adrenaline. However, this state of constant alert can become addictive, making it challenging to decelerate once the crisis has passed. The recent pandemic and the transition to remote work serve as prime examples, propelling us into a continuous state of emergency that feeds into the cycle of stress, anxiety, and burnout affecting so many today.

Busyness as avoidance. For some, staying busy is a strategy to evade personal reflection and emotional processing. Most of us don’t even realize we are using our chronic “doing-ness” in this way because we have become so disconnected from our senses and feelings (looking at you high-achievers and Enneagram Type 3s). Over the long haul, suppressing our feelings can lead to a buildup of anger, frustration, resentment, and other powerful emotions that ultimately negatively impact our mental and physical health, as well as our relationships and our productivity levels.

Busyness as a strategy for managing anxiety and stress. Our coping mechanisms for stress and anxiety are often shaped by our early family dynamics. Psychotherapist and author Harriet Lerner famously divides these styles into over-functioning and under-functioning. As you might guess, over-functioners deal with stress and anxiety by going into overdrive, taking on - and ticking off - lots of tasks, activities, and projects. In relationships (whether personal or professional), we often wear our fixer hats and take on far too much. Ultimately, we are grasping for certainty and control to reduce our anxiety.

THE WORK

Recognizing the root causes of our busyness is the first step towards breaking free from its grip. This process requires introspection, non-judgment, and self-compassion, allowing us to move from a state of constant busyness to one of mindful engagement and genuine productivity.

Below are suggested practices that can help you escape “the busyness loop” and find a more balanced, fulfilling way of living and leading.

1. Prioritize self-discovery to gain an awareness and understanding of the different drivers of your busyness. Ask yourself:

• How often am I thinking about and/or talking about how busy I am? How do I feel when I am talking about how busy I am?

• Am I mostly doing/working from a place of intention and focus or busyness and stress?

• What is the unmet need behind my desire to constantly be doing/working?

• How do I recognize and process emotions?

• What am I avoiding right now? What am I afraid to confront?

• What does over-functioning look like for me? How does it impact my team?

• What is my relationship with rest? What feelings, thoughts, and stories do I experience around doing nothing?

• How would my life look and feel different if I was able to better manage my addiction to busyness?

Ask loved ones and trusted co-workers how they perceive your busyness. Journaling is a great way to track and reflect on what is happening on the inside when you are driving so hard on the outside.

2. Practice mindfulness. When you're constantly caught up in the whirlwind of busyness, it's easy to slip into autopilot mode, racing from one task to the next. Slow down and focus on your breath to shift modes and drop into the present moment. Build micro-moments of mindfulness into your day so that you can approach tasks from a place of intention and alignment as opposed to mindless rushing. Embracing present-moment awareness will also help you reestablish a connection with your inner Self, cultivate self-compassion, and access your inherent sense of worthiness.

3. Work to improve your emotional and somatic (body) Intelligence. This is profound lifelong work that will have an outsize impact on all areas of your life, not just your relationship with busyness. A deeper awareness and understanding of your emotions and how to regulate them, coupled with a deeper connection to the wisdom of your body, will help you better tame the busyness beast.

4. Get clear on your vision, values, and boundaries. This is essential work for managing busyness. Of course, it is not enough to just do this work; you must uphold it. This means getting good at saying “no.” Otherwise, you will find yourself running around as a resentful busy person. Reorganizing yourself for alignment over achievement is a key part of this work.

5. Become an expert at Time, Energy, and Attention (TEA) management. Learn about Big Three Rocks, the Eisenhower Matrix, the 4 Ds of inbox management, and more here.

The next time you catch yourself rushing through the day or starting to stress over all the things you need to get done, PAUSE and tap into the best natural medicine available to you: your breath. Get curious and ask yourself what is driving your busyness. Check-in with your emotions and your body. Allow yourself to process what needs processing. Then, from a place of calm and clarity, proceed with your next priority. Over time, you will notice your presencing and regulating habits have made you a far more effective and productive leader.

In doing this work, you will also notice that you are becoming more attuned to your body and your intuition. When commitments arise, begin to ask yourself, “Is this a whole-body yes?” A whole-body yes (also called a full-body yes) happens when your head, heart, and gut are in alignment, which is a common indicator that your values and priorities are also in alignment.

THE BIGGER PICTURE: LEADERSHIP & LEGACY

For leaders, the implications of our busyness extend beyond the personal to influence the culture and health of our organizations. As it turns out, busyness is not good for business. Adherence to the busyness ethos not only undermines productivity, it also perpetuates a cycle of stress and burnout throughout our teams, stifling creativity and strategic insight.

“The greatest enemy of good thinking is busyness.” – John C. Maxwell

When it comes to busyness and burnout, most companies focus solely on improving skills - like time management, prioritization, and goal-setting. Certainly, these are important to master, but they can only go so far if there isn’t some coaching that helps people better understand and manage their relationship to busyness.

A study by Gallup data found the percentage of employed Americans reporting they never have enough time rose to 80% in 2018.

The stakes of addressing our busyness addiction reach beyond the confines of the workplace. As parents, we often tell each other how busy we are and compare our crazy schedules. When we do this, we are basically teaching our kids that we value busyness. They may even learn to conflate doing and achieving with worthiness and love, just like we did. As we rush ourselves and our kids around to get “all the things” done, we are showing them what it looks like to be stressed and on auto-pilot. We may tell them to “stop and smell the roses” but we are not walking our talk. In addition, when we are unable to sit still and process our emotions, we fail to teach them what emotional regulation looks like.

In both our personal and professional lives, it is imperative we hit the brakes and pull out of our busyness addiction. The onus is on us to break the cycle of non-presence and emotional dysregulation caused by hustle culture. We must consciously and collectively commit to living and leading from a place of presence and aliveness, not flurry and worry. It is past time to normalize rest and recovery for ourselves, our teams, and our children - and to do so with pride, not guilt. We need to come home to ourselves, get clarity on what really matters to us, and get strategic about how we spend our most limited and precious resource - time. This shift, though challenging, holds the promise of a more fulfilling, connected, impactful, and sustainable path forward for ourselves, our teams, our businesses, and our communities.